Web searches conducted by male lab members reveal new postdoctoral candidate to be attractive, possibly single. (Boston, MA). An Internet search encompassing laboratory websites, Facebook accounts, and an intramural volleyball team webpage has revealed Andrea Brooks, a soon-to-be-interviewed postdoctoral candidate, as attractive and possibly unattached. The thorough study was conducted by a team of male postdocs and graduate students within the lab in an effort to “properly vet” the candidate prior to her upcoming interview, sources reported. Although poor annotation of group lab pictures led to some initial uncertainty regarding the identity of the candidate, additional research unambiguously identified Brooks (third from left) as a statuesque brunette with shoulder-length straight hair. Although social media sites indicate Brooks to be single, the presence of an athletic male seated next to Brooks at a lab function and behind Brooks in a Beta-Blockers team picture has led to some speculation that Brooks may be attached. Although any discussion regarding the potential for future romantic involvement with the candidate was carefully avoided by lab members, third-year postdoc Kevin Pollicott stated that while he could see good reasons to keep work and personal life separate, “Sometimes you just have to let things happen”. “Obviously, it would be different if she was an undergraduate,” stated Pollicott emphatically, “unless she was like super mature or something”. Notably, Brooks’ pending interview has generated the highest level of personnel interest since 2012 when first-year graduate students Lisa Sundaram and Jennifer Chu simultaneously carried out rotations. Talks are also underway to start a lab volleyball team.

Nation’s PIs don’t know why your PCR didn’t work. (Bethesda, MD). In a press conference held on the campus of the National Institutes of Health, the Nation’s Principal Investigators (PIs) issued a joint statement to underscore that they have “no clue” why your PCR reactions didn’t work this time. “Really, we have no idea whatsoever – have you tried changing all your reagents, or at least the nucleotides?” added the Nation’s PIs. In addition, the Nation’s PIs emphasized that they will also be unlikely to provide any insight as to why your PCR reactions will undoubtedly fail in the future. “Have you BLAST’d your primers, run a positive control, or tried a gradient?” questioned the PIs. Private sources also indicated that the Nation’s PIs were additionally concerned that you failed to add all the reagents or possibly even used that old Taq in the back of the frost-free freezer that everyone knows is garbage. “What exactly do you want me to tell you?” questioned the Nation’s PIs rhetorically, “How am I supposed to have any inkling as to why you have a giant smear down the entire length of the gel? Did you even run any markers?” An under-the-breath muttered response from the Nation’s Graduate Students is expected to be issued in the near future, which may address the fact that the Nation’s PIs “don’t even know how to program the PCR machines in their own labs” and have to ask for help every time they decide to waste a couple microliters of Phusion on some half-baked experiment that will be “abandoned before the 21st cycle is even completed”.

Questions rejected by the CRISPR Panel at the 2015 International C. elegans Meeting.

Dear CRISPR Panel,

My wife and I attend regular potluck dinners with a number of couples that we’ve known for many years. We like everyone’s company and these are enjoyable social gatherings. The problem is that while my wife and I put a lot of effort into making creative and nutritious meals, some of the other couples think it’s OK to just bring leftovers or salad out of a bag. I don’t want to be a wet towel or to alienate other guests, but it seems as though everyone should be putting equal effort into the meals we are sharing. Should I say something?

Also, my CRISPR isn’t working.


Marvin Abelstein


Dear CRISPR Panel,

I am having trouble with the women in my lab crying every time CRISPR doesn’t work. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!




My Dear Beloved:

I know this message will come as surprise but it is great honorific that from displaced murdered royal family I ask assistance in this the transfer of US$2.4M from Bank in Cotonou Benin Republic West Africa.

Please I will offer your trustworthy person 20% of total sum and ask that you reply urgently so that I may return to my medical studies.

Awaiting your generous reply and also having trouble with CRISPR, especially the incorporation of large inserts.

Your Faithful Servant,

Nwangu Akpabio